What will I be when I grow up?
In the wee small hours of the morning...I wonder where I am headed. The grandkids are out of school this week and I have a summer ahead of me to ponder weighty questions and practice some better living habits. I want to turn my ship around and head out while I still can. See what happens when you get to pace the decks of a wooden sailing ship? My head is filled with seagoing metaphors. I’m finally getting some good health back, the reward for methodically dragging my behind to the gym three times a week. My round belly actually has IN-dentations in it. My noodle arms have grown a couple of bicep-like bumps in them. The best part is I am enjoying myself again while building up a reserve stash of energy. So where to spend it?
We do have company coming, young ones from afar, old college friends, and a sister. I will continue my gym visits, they are turning out to be the difference between living and just existing for me. I will read a lot (what I do in the summer anyway). I just got a copy of “Thoughts Matter: The Practice of the Spiritual Life” by Mary Margaret Funk. Yes, she’s a nun this Mary Margaret, and no, I am not going out into the desert to live for a few years until I get it right. Wait a minute! I already live in a desert. My most simple expression of my faith is the hope that I leave here an improved version of how I came into this world.
The other book I am deeply involved in right now is “Reading Lolita in Tehran” by Azar Nafisi. Most absorbing, especially with the elections going on in Iran right now. But it has given me another view of how women make their lives in a world that is often hostile to them. Nafisi was a teacher of literature as well as a writer and her discussions of Fitzgerald have sent me back to the library to read those books again. And imagine having the courage to teach Western Literature in post-revolutionary Iran. So, at 67, I find myself having the same thoughts I did when I graduated out of school and began my young adult life. Only now it’s what will I be as I grow old?
We do have company coming, young ones from afar, old college friends, and a sister. I will continue my gym visits, they are turning out to be the difference between living and just existing for me. I will read a lot (what I do in the summer anyway). I just got a copy of “Thoughts Matter: The Practice of the Spiritual Life” by Mary Margaret Funk. Yes, she’s a nun this Mary Margaret, and no, I am not going out into the desert to live for a few years until I get it right. Wait a minute! I already live in a desert. My most simple expression of my faith is the hope that I leave here an improved version of how I came into this world.
The other book I am deeply involved in right now is “Reading Lolita in Tehran” by Azar Nafisi. Most absorbing, especially with the elections going on in Iran right now. But it has given me another view of how women make their lives in a world that is often hostile to them. Nafisi was a teacher of literature as well as a writer and her discussions of Fitzgerald have sent me back to the library to read those books again. And imagine having the courage to teach Western Literature in post-revolutionary Iran. So, at 67, I find myself having the same thoughts I did when I graduated out of school and began my young adult life. Only now it’s what will I be as I grow old?
Labels: Fitzgerald, Nafisi
posted by Celia | June 12, 2009
4 Comments:
I am so glad that you are doing well. Bravo to you for going to the gym. You already must know the answer to your question, because you have certainly improved the world of at least one. Someone who has never met you, lives so far from you and has never heard you speak. Not quite true. I hear you speak through your written words How is it that I randomly stumble across your blog and I immediately feel a connection, as though I have known you somewhere else in time? I believe that our lives will wind down perfectly and with great satisfaction if only we will follow the pull of our hearts with none of the cautions of youth attached. You are a writer and a champion of women Celia. I know that you are so very important in the lives of your family, but to this woman who has been struggling for so long to regain what was taken, you have helped open a door that has allowed me to put myself out into the world without shame once more. I know you won't quite understand this, but please accept it as my truth.
Sue - You pay me a most excellent compliment. I do accept your truth, I don't think full understanding is necessary. Many of us, me too, have things in our hearts and memories that are painful to view, publically or privately. As for finding the blogs of others, I think there really are no coincidences.
I am 10 years older than you, so the question I ask myself is: What shall I do with the time left? I have a partial answer, in that I like what I am doing now pretty well. And fortunately I have found a fine man to share the time. (Children and grandchildren are great, but there ain't no substitute for a good man -- it took me 4 tries, though) What am I doing? Writing, painting, reading, walking, cooking. Good, comfortable things. Oh, yes, and watching the body crumble.
Hmmm, where do I start? What can I add? I understand the connection Florida Sue wrote about. I feel connected in a special way to some of my blogging friends. And they have helped me tremendously. Open doors, let my feelings out, learn that I'm not alone, shown courage by example and on and on.
Your time at the gym is valuable - as you've found out. I hope you can keep it up as long as possible. I don't think my hubby can do his rehab exercises any more. It's been a month and he hasn't had the strength. He can do his breathing exercises, but not the treadmill or exercise bicycle. His rehab workouts were paramount to his mental and physical health. Twice a day - religiously. But you never know, things may turn around yet. I hope so.
Sounds like you will have a busy summer to look forward to. Enjoy.
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