Down the Rabbit Hole or Better Living Through Chemistry?

Don't know if this is a rabbit hole or some other critter entirely.  I found it along a forested trail at the Heritage Museum in Ketchikan, Alaska.  Lovely, green, and peaceful. 

Its been just about a year since my marriage ended.  In January I was bummed, then I perked up.  I started doing things again, planned a great summer vacation with my sister and a friend from high school, and started a painting.

I came home from my vacation and began having panic attacks alternating with the inability to get myself out of the sack easily.  Just wanted to sleep my life away.  I went to the doctor for my regular checkup and mentioned how I was feeling.  I was pretty sure I knew why it was happening just not how to stop it.   My doctor recommended antidepressants.  It took awhile to find one as I don't have much tolerance for drugs of any kinds and experience some bizarre side effects at times.  With misgivings I started on antidepressants for the second time, and down the rabbit hole I went and into the dark.  Some days would be fine and some days I slept all day and night unless I had to be somewhere.  Then I began sleeping less and less, down to 2-3 hours a night at best, that's how they torture prisoners of war, sleep deprivation, ugh.  My doctor was out of town so I called the druggist who said to take them every other day for a week and then stop, which I did.

It's been some weeks now and the side effects seem to have wore off except I have an occasion sleepless night.  No more panic attacks so maybe the meds accomplished something or the panicking was temporary.  I don't know.  And I wonder how many older people can't tolerate the doses tested on much younger people, some 200 pound 35 year old man for instance.  I know I felt mostly normal except for the sleep thing on the every other day regimine which was 1/2 the very minium dose.  How many older people are drugged right out of their lives this way?  They aren't feeling bad, they aren't feeling anything at all.  I lost about 6 pounds in two weeks because I forgot to eat.  I'll be 70 in the winter and in spite of the diabetes and asthma I am relatively healthy, and within 5 pounds of a normal weight. If medicines do this to me, what do they do to the frail and/or elderly?  I can tell you some years ago when my now departed Dad came home from a surgery having hallucinations we looked up all the meds they sent home with him for side effects.  Three of the six could cause hallucinations.  He knew he was seeing things that weren't real but they were disturbing.  We called his doctor and he said "stop giving them to him, he doesn't need those anyway." Problem solved.  What if you don't have four daughters to watch out for you like he did?  

I'm better and if I'm feeling anxious I go for a walk or go to the gym and work it off.  Thank the Lord I can do that.