It's always been someone else's child but this week a grandchild ran away from home.  I'm sure we all knew this already but it's heart stoppingly frightening. Someone thought they saw her near the highway on ramp. Scary thought that she might hitchhike. She's back home but she was gone over two days, long enough to involve the police.  It's a small town and many people, our local police, friends and strangers were looking for her. She was spotted and returned by the police last night. She's run off at night before but has never stayed out all night or has been picked up by the police who, sadly, know her by sight now. They brought her home this time too. Thank you thank you thank you.

Thanks everyone for your comments on wheat free eating.

Thank you Mona for the recipe, it's muffins I really want to make. I think I can live without bread. My kitchen is now filled with jars of what my daughter-in-law calls "funny flours." Hers is too, she's experimenting as well.

Wendy, I think you're right about aging and food changes. I don't eat much meat anymore either. Funny, when I was an expectant mother I couldn't stand even the sight of meat much less eat it. At age 75 that seems to be returning. Can't imagine any connection, just odd.

Oh Mage! I'm so sorry, I suspect we have a lot of physical "stuff" in common. Hang in there sister.

Barbara, I used your applesauce suggestion and love it. Applesauce is one of my favorites. I made my grandkids applesauce (wheat free) pancakes and they loved them. Whew. I feed them every Tuesday am and it's nice not to have to cook two sets of something.

Tabor I share your concerns about gluten and wheat allergies or intolerance.  I know not everyone agrees but I think our food sources have been fiddled with and altered in a very unhealthy way.

Hoping for peace for us all.

Coming from a place of love

One thing that happens to me now after the holidays and in the dark and cold of winter is I start thinking about how I want to be and become in this world. Not my physical self but hoping to be a better, kinder person. I have the time (once again) to ponder the my continuing difficult relationship with one of my three sisters. Recently I can see that she is trying to work that out too.A few years ago I would not have believed it.

All four of us have described our childhoods as being "raised by wolves," dysfunctional as many families and yet both of my grandmothers were infinitely kind and loving women. As we aged we started seeing how some of those traits showed in our parents. Dad didn't think the world was kind or safe and he wanted us to be strong and competent.

I'm chewing over what kind of parent I've been. Wishing I had been as kind and patient with my sons as I am with my grandchildren. Examining my troubled nearly 30-year marriage to an alcoholic. If I'd never married him I wouldn't had my much loved sons. He's sober 25+ years now, why should I forgive him? Ah, but why not forgive him? Can he forgive me, most ill marriages have two contributors and ours did. Aging has rubbed the corners off us and we have been speaking like friends the last few years. He came to visit for our oldest son's birthday last October and he seemed smaller and old. It stabbed my heart to see him that way and to see my/our sons' concern. I am trying to correct myself that I think of them as "my" sons. I think that is a clue to something I'm not proud of.

“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change” 

Thich Nhat Hanh

I have the time to read and re-read Thich Nhat Hanh whom I admire and has showed me a way through many bad times. And you notice while he says the situation will change, he doesn't say it will change in a way I want. I read my bible, and Thomas Moore's book "The Education of the Heart." Bear in mind I also just finished reading two Henning Mankell non-Wallender mysteries and started reading an online history of the early Qin Dynasty. I not a soulful monastic.  

I am trying to understand what truly forgiving means: so far it seems to be for me a lightening of heart, not being burdened by anger or resentment; something that appears after the work is well in process or done and so far has surprised me every time.

I am trying to learn to come from a place of love in my actions. I have to think about it first. At one far end, I can't apply it to our current president, I try to pray for him to become a good person, but if he were here I would have a hard time not spitting on him as primitive and unproductive as that might be, yet satisfying. But when my five year-old grandgirl dumped a cup of orange juice into my rug, I wasn't upset. I cleaned it up and went out and bought cups with lids. Come to think of it, that's what I did with my kids too. All is not lost.

Love and peace to you all.